One liner tags: alcohol, puns, time. 82.64 % / 3125 votes. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road." One liner tags: alcohol, life. 82.64 % / 1184 votes. A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.83%(744)
The bartender hands a drink to the non-drinker... the non-drinker hands it back and says "uh, there's a fly in it". The bar tender hands a drink to to the social drinker... the social drinker notices a fly in it, picks the fly out and then proceeds drink it. The bartender hands a drin ... upvote downvote report.
A Dog A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces, “I’m lookin’ fer... A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, “You look nice today.” A few minutes later he again hears... Charles Dickens walks into a bar and says “I’ll ...Estimated Reading Time: 5 mins
Child: Mum! What is an alcoholic? Mum: Well, you see the two birds over there. An alcoholic would see four. Child: Mummy, there is only one bird over there.
I don't recycle because it makes me look like a huge alcoholic to my garbage man. I'm not an alcoholic alcoholics go to meetings, I'm a drunk, we go to parties. I spilled a drink on this girl at a party and that's "How I Wet Your Mother". Alcohol doesn't make you fat... it …
Satan first approaches the alcoholic, "What is it that you would like to have?" to which the alcoholic responds, "I want the finest brew, wine, and liquor you can get me." Satan brings him to a room filled with every type of beer on tap, the finest aged cellars of wine, and of course the purest grain alcohol.
First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. Well, an alcoholic would see eight. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar. Even once? What do you tell an annoying alcoholic? Oh what a great idea! A hamburger walks into a bar. The prostitute got a last minute pardon. His eyes sticky. Do you drink? There should only be four. Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have? Since its got no bars. One cop asked "where are you going at this time of night? Marriage counselor: Is she an alcoholic? What is an alcoholic? So she gets a divorce. The executioner says "You can go on the guillotine either face up or face down". I used to be a high functioning alcoholic. Q: How does a man show he's planning for the future? Dusty Hill Blinked his eye open. Never smoked in my life, and I stay away from any place with second hand smoke. You may have a wish. But there's something wrong with it. This could have bought you a luxury yacht. I'm not alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. My dad was an alcoholic who wanted to be a lawyer. If i drink alcohol im an acholoic if i drink fanta im fantastic. Things got a little tense. Life and beer are very similar Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Fort Worth, Texas. Listen, I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. I only drink on two days out of the year. Take me drunk I'm home. A: He's nursing a Mike's Hard Lemonade and is acting super super gay! Dont drink and drive, it will spill everywhere A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Drink until I am really good looking, then come to talk to me. Satan finally approaches the pothead and asks, "What is it that you would like to have? It's haunted by spirits. A heavy drinker. I think I might be an alcoholic. An alcoholic wakes up in jail. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. D Alcohol Drinking and Hangover Disorder It's true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
Jimi mother fucking hendrix? Did you hear about the alcoholic with a toothpaste puzzle? A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. Do alcoholics run in your family? The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters. A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. The farmer chose fresh milk. Alcohol doesn't make you fat What do you call an alcoholic Doctor Who monster? Me: My name is Matt, and I'm an alcoholic. Yo mamas so dumb when I said "Drinks on the house. I bought a two weeks supply of Alcohol for the quarantine. So the priest lies face up. He was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers. To all the teachers who said I would be nothing but a construction worker and an alcoholic Fuck you that just was a lucky guess. At the end of the 1, year period, if the man asks to be let out of One liner tags: alcohol , life , marriage My dad was an alcoholic who wanted to be a lawyer. I'm in a commited relationship with Jim Beam. Alcohol can cause memory loss. I just can't stand to see a man cry. The quality of the bud would put the Cannabis Cup winners to shame, in all categories. Alcohol is never the answer They are to be killed by the guillotine. A tarantula walks into a bar. I think I might be an alcoholic. What do alcoholics and chemists have in common? I come from a long line of alcoholics. If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy alcohol. Life and beer are very similar A: Wine O'Clock. There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1, years in a room with their greatest vice. What's a Canadians favourite alcoholic beverage? Get out of bed and try again. Click here for more information. I am not drunk! All of the women are hot, naked, and very horny. Gary and Pete, 2 alcoholics, were lost at sea. After it was Gary quickly grabbed the bottle and took out the cork. This could have bought you a luxury yacht. As expected, worm dies after a few minutes. Did you hear about the nun who was an alcoholic? We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. He drank himself into an earl grey.
Enjoy and share your favorites with family and friends! There is no bad whiskey. You might also enjoy Prohibition Jokes. Hope you enjoyed these drinking jokes. Know of any alcohol or drinking jokes that should be here? A hamburger walks into a bar. A baby seal walks into a bar. A minister, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense. What does he look like? He orders a beer. One was a salted. The bartender kicked him out. A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar. A Frenchman walks into a bar with a cat on his shoulder. The cat is wearing a little baseball cap. So she gets a divorce. A Ghost A ghost walks into a bar and asks for a whiskey. He was disbarred. The third one ducked. A time traveler walks into a bar. Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses. Wine if you must. When I was a kid, I found a bottle of rum at the playground. So I took it to the police station. They said would get to the bottom of it. Alcohol puns are always in pour taste. A jumper cable walked into a bar. Two chemists walk into a bar. His assassination attempt failed. A tarantula walks into a bar. A: Boos! Hear about the wall that went out on the town for its birthday? My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror. More Animals A goat walks into a bar. An ox walks into a bar. A buffalo walks into a bar.